Monday, November 21, 2011

Bridge Club Soda Cracker Barrel of Monkeys

Orlando is a space-time anomaly. One can easily drive into the city in no time at all, but it always takes about five times as long to get out. It's like a black hole right in the middle of central Florida.

My facial hair disgusts me. It grows just fast enough to be a nuisance but no faster. I'd like to try wearing a goatee, but I'd have to look like an idiot for about 8 years while I was busy growing it.

Christmas music is a sacred holiday tradition, and I can't understand why anyone would want to violate that tradition by listening to it on any day before Thanksgiving. You wouldn't eat hot dogs and blow up your neighborhood a month before July 4th, would you? And you wouldn't eat Peeps on a day besides Easter, would you? I thought not. So shape up and shut off the Jingle Bells for at least 4 more days. Please.

I want to become really good at a game. I don't care whether it's bridge, chess, spades, or Brockian Untra-Cricket. I just want to become good enough to play socially in a club or something. I think it'd be fun.

I'll never love Dennis Haysbert again.

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