Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Free WiFi

Something that irks me: Substandard internet connections.

The internet is a cruel mistress. Sort of like fate, the sea, and the last 3 bowls of chili at a family reunion. There is always just enough of a connection to allow you to listen to the first 8 seconds of a song, read the first 4 status updates on facebook, or check your 2 most recent (and ironically, least important) e-mails.

It's enough to make you violently wring the neck of a small dingo, yet not quite enough to make you actually go out and find the dingo in question.

And so here we are in a sad period of time, known deceptively as the 21st century, spending our day alongside an unsanitary number of dingos, humming quietly to ourselves the first few words of the week's most popular song.

This being said, I am offering a reward of $0.05 US to anyone who will bring me the head of either Al Gore or his long-deceased female alter ego Maria Von Trapp.

PS. The reward will be doubled if the head of either individual is still connected to a body.

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